I need to vent this somewhere before I explode.
1.) Fertility treatments have finally begun and so far my moods are the biggest hurdle along with hot flashes and chills.
2.) The humidity this week has been obscene. We’re talking 85-95% humidity all day long. It’s making everyone miserable. Also so much fun to go outside and less than a minute later be drenched in sweat with clothes sticking to your body.
3.) Work is total chaos. I’ve had this mega audit of my entire job done for the project we just finished. It’s complicated but its part of our deal with the owner and tenant of the building so it’s the most tedious audit I’ve ever had to do. It’s been going on for 3 weeks. This adds about 50% more work to my daily routine and its crushing me. I will dance a jig when this fucking audit is done!!!
4.) We’re moving on Friday from our old awful trailers to new excellently modified ones across the property. Nothing but drama from day one with this entire thing, but thats not really my issue. My issue is that now a fuckton of last minute shenanigans have to be dealt with and some how I got promoted to be that person. And since my title encompasses “offices manager” I also have to pack more than anyone else. Everyone is working and being productive and I’m hauling boxes and packing everything else up. Don’t forget I have that audit on top of this so now my workload is increased by another 25%. My daily job list is basically shelved until this is done too so I’m losing my mind over shit I can’t finish like invoices. I’m one inch away from snapping. We move tomorrow, thank God.
5.) Because of #3 and #4, I’ve gotten more overtime in 4 weeks than I’ve gotten in my entire 8 years here. This isn’t a big deal to most people until you realize that overtime has rarely been granted to me by past managers. It got to the point where I’d literally drop everything the minute I hit 40 hours and leave. I am supposed to cram my 50 hours worth of work into 40 and get paid for 40. I work very hard all day long and rarely have a slow minute. I like my job and like staying busy from 8-5 so I’ve gotten used to the 50 in 40 thing, but I can’t do this 60+ shit! Well my current manager isn’t like that. I finally feel okay with just working the hours and handing him a timecard with 8-10 hours of OT on it. He is also appreciative of the work I’m doing. However, this is burning me out!
6.) Work started to come home with me in my head. I usually sleep till 7 then leave at 7:40. I have been waking up at 6 or 6:30 with non stop thoughts about shit like invoices to process, laying out my day in my head, what meetings I have to attend, what I have to order for lunch for whatever long meeting needs it, what I have to pack, audit issues I can’t solve, etc. This goes against every rule I have for myself but I can’t stop it. I just need to be done with it all.
7.) My baby brother is getting married next week. Did you catch that part about fertility treatments? Yeah cuz that’s now potentially interfering with my travel plans. Thankfully we are driving there instead of flying but we won’t know what day we’re driving up until we progress with the IUI procedure. That’s all dictated by the shots and how my eggs grow so its not predictable at all. I have talked to my brother and I won’t miss the wedding but its added stress.
8.) Despite all of that chaos, I’m trying very hard to stay positive and focus on developing a baby. I haven’t lost my temper just yet, but oh holy Jesus, I’m close. The chaos plus the hormones are doing a number on my self control. Since pills and booze aren’t an option and my physical work isn’t doing it for me, it might be time to focus on my spirituality to cope with all of this.