ready to burst


Life is moving forward at an acceptable rate. Since everything got shoved way the fuck back from the accident, my womb remains baby-free, but I will say that massive progress has been made there and money FINALLY came in so we’re just about at the starting point. It’s been more than a year since our first appointment and we’re pretty much starting all over. We go back in a few weeks to find out what else we need to do prior to officially starting. It’s kind of like a year just disappeared between appointments. POOF! In that year though, a lot happened.

– I left our last appointment with a plan and then had a horrible reaction to the birth control and ended up severely depressed. (If you have no idea what depression feels like or can’t understand it, go read part 1 and part 2 by Allie Brosh and then you might get it.) Once the connection was made, I went off birth control. I was lucky that it was purely chemical and was really just a side effect of the pills.
– Literally the day I made the decision to go off, I was informed my grandpa was very ill. Less than 2 months later he died.
– To transition from the death to the funeral (a month roughly) we all went on a vacation as a family.
– My uncle’s wife went apeshit and lost her mind and a very messy divorce began.
– The day before grandpa’s funeral service, Dean was nearly killed in a car accident.
– The funeral.
– My job got crazy and everything flipped upside down. There were a few very tense weeks that left everyone on edge.
– After the accident, despite his banged up body, Dean and I decided not to cancel our anniversary gift to ourselves and went to Comic Con in New York. Best decision we could have made because we had a hell of a great time. It helps that there was very minimal strain on his body, but you’d be surprised how much walking can wear you out when you’re that beat up.
– Things took a turn in the accident situation and our fertility money was suddenly threatened. We kind of regretted spending the money we did in New York.
– A few weeks later we went camping for our one year anniversary. We almost didn’t make it through that trip. All the stress of the previous 2 months hit us all at once and we were just about ready to give up on our marriage. An impending hurricane coming in kind of changed that though and after a long long LONG talk by the fire, we made some important decisions and promises to each other.
– Work continued to be a rough adjustment because of bullshit politics in other areas of the company, but we tried our best to make it work within our team. Suffice to say, it was a challenge.
– The threat to our fertility money came to fruition and KABOOM! It was wiped out. All gone. Bye bye.
– I got a sewing machine as an early Chanukah gift and started making gifts for everyone else. Surprisingly, I’m not terrible at it! Still learning, but I managed to make a quilt and 3 embroidered decorative pillows.
– The holidays came and went without incident. Gifts were well received.
– Surgical follow up from the accident happened and it went well (thank God) and it looked like the end of the accident stress was near.
– We were wrong. At some point I’m going to be able to let loose everything I’ve kept in my head about this accident and how utterly fucked the entire situation has been. At some point I’ll be able to detail the aggravation we’ve had to endure at the hands of someone else’s negligence and outright lies. Right now, I have to keep my mouth shut and it’s infuriating.
– My dad made a big life change and moved down south to pursue a job. I was incredibly encouraging of this at the time thinking this was great for everyone. Then he moved and this sudden hole punched its way through my heart. For the first time in my life I truly missed my dad. He went from always being around the corner or within an hour drive to FUCK! OUT OF STATE! 4 hours away!!!! I didn’t think this would require adjusting but it’s been a struggle.
– Half the work team was transferred out and a new batch of people were brought in. More work challenges.
– My brother started to get more serious with a girlfriend and started making big changes in himself. I met the girlfriend and instantly loved her. I’ve even gone out with her alone – just me and her. This is unheard of. I do NOT hang out with my brother’s girlfriends. But this one? This one I adore. I hope they can keep working on their relationship and grow even more together.
– I’ve always been on top of my health and have my annual check ins, but this year I decided it was time to not just stay on top of it but try and get ahead. Unfortunately my weight was still an issue and it’s been this epic struggle just to lose one fucking pound. Enter my new physician who was a random find that decided it was time to try a pill. Having taken myself off of everything but vitamins and feeling like a new woman, I thought, “Oh no, not another pill!!” but as it turns out this pill is made of magic. Suddenly I was able to turn down food. I wasn’t hungry every minute of every day! Suddenly my energy was back. I was wide awake during the day and not exhausted. I could function!!! Awake, alert, eating smaller portions, and feeling better all over. I hadn’t felt this way in almost 5 years – the way I felt before I stopped birth control and the PCOS took over my body. Within 3 months of starting this pill I lost 22 pounds.
– That 22 pound loss is what has catapulted us back to the fertility clinic. We have 2.5 weeks until we go back and I have that much more time to keep shedding the weight. After we get started officially though, this pill goes away. It was a short term pill to boost my progress and is only prescribed for 3-6 months though so I’m not worried.
– The next project for work was officially green lighted and I am now secure again for another 15 months.
– I told my boss about the progress with the clinic and realized in that conversation that I have an amazing boss who actually gives a shit about me and the rest of the staff here. It’s been a year of adjustment and growing pains, but we’ve really come together as a group. It’s nice to know that we all care about each other. Work is a lot easier now.

So that brings us up to this past weekend. Dean and I were gifted the end of a timeshare week from extended family and headed down to Myrtle Beach for a little break. 2 days before it I got the great news of the weight loss and the reality of baby time FINALLY starting hit us like a ton of happy bricks of joy. Our mini vacation turned into a celebration weekend. While we were there we found a hatchling turtle in the parking lot and after discovering he was not an endangered or threatened species, we decided to keep him. POOF! We’re turtle parents!


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