I saw this video today and it inspired me. No matter how small the activitiy, I need to keep writing. I need to keep blogging. I can’t keep doing these massive updates and I can’t keep neglecting this blog. Even if that means 2 sentence blurbs or bullet points, I WILL update this more and keep my head back in this mindset.
So here goes…
- Dean is having a root canal today because he neglected a painful tooth for too long. This is an ongoing pattern. My entire life got re-arranged because of his foot surgery and the sudden need to fix it. While he was battling a fever and lying in bed, I decided it was time to have a discussion about his macho pride bullshit about waiting to the point of agony to even express pain. No more of that shit. He agreed.
- We went to the fertility clinic last week and I’ve already started the testing required. I updated the preggo blog with that information. It occurred to me at some point that the dream of pregnancy and a baby is now becoming an actual reality. I will be pregnant this year. I will be a mother soon. I’m blown away by this thought and still grappling with the reality of it. It’s not a fucking pipe dream anymore… its finally REAL and I’m humbled by it. People take this stuff for granted. It’s very different when you find out you can’t do your biological purpose in life and require help to do something that seems natural.
- It’s been a shitty winter. Way too warm and so far only one day of snow that stuck to the ground. It was on clinic day and it only lasted till nightfall. Then it melted overnight. I’m sick of this fucking weather. Its been raining today. That’s such bullshit in winter. GIVE ME SNOW!
- The dryer started to fail rapidly and now takes3-5 cycles to dry clothes. Waste of energy, time, and resources. Between us and my parents, we had a new one purchased and set to be delivered within a week. It should arrive today.
- I am completely obsessed with the website this is colossal and all the art. It’s rare that I don’t like what is shown on that site. I’m absolutely blown away by so much of the work done there. I’ts amazing what peopel do with a pen and paper or other media. It reaffirms me feelings about what I consider art and what I consider complete and utter insanity. I’ve been inspired to be more creative as a result. I’ve started small with changes to the home decor.
- I’m going to teach myself how to embroider. I taught myself how to cross stitch all sorts of designs after basic skills from my grandma. I have ideas, needles, and thread, and will just go with it soon enough.
- Work is going pretty well. We’re slow as molasses right now, but thats how it works some times. I’ll curse myself for being bored now when I’m in full cycle in a few months.
- Married life is pretty swell. It’s not very different from dating life for us, it’s just more calm. We don’t fight as much as we did pre-wedding. It’s more secure and the security is calming for both of us.
- My anxiety has been cycling back into full blown. Upside: I had a good 2 months of calm before this happened.
- All my panicking about owing the apartment complex money from the dog destroying the carpet turned out to be unwarranted. I actually got about 75% of my original security deposit (plus the interest it accrued) back and deposited that check this week.
- Life is still pretty damn good.