wedding planning is hell

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I fucking HATE this wedding planning shit. I really do. I hate the bullshit pressure society puts on it. I hate that the average cost of a wedding in this country is $28,000! I hate that I’m being mocked left and right for saying our budget is $5,000. I hate that the harder I look, the less I find within our budget. I hate that I am under so much pressure to find a venue NOW because shit books up more than a year in advance.

I also hate doing this alone. I hate that I’ve asked four times for a list of what he wants and he hasn’t even started it. I hate that we’re snapping at each other over everything. I hate that every time I think I’ve found something, I’ve squashed by the price.

The cold hard reality is that $5000 does NOT include rings. It does NOT include a honeymoon. It does not give us any room to breathe. When I realistically priced it all out, I came up with $6700. I have no fucking clue where that money is going to come from. Maybe, MAYBE we’ll both get bonuses in December and January. MAYBE I’ll get my annual raise in July. MAYBE my tax return will be $2000 next year. The odds are in our favor of this happening, but nothing is guaranteed.

And our families won’t contribute shit because they can’t. My mom and stepdad have nothing till they sell their house in 2.5 years when the Metro finishes and opens up. My dad is currently homeless so he’s camping for a few weeks. Dean’s parents? Not much better off than mine. I think the only advantage over mine is that they both have homes. Woohoo!

What he wants is a traditional wedding with a lot of people and a party without giving much thought to how to pay for it all. What I want is a tiny tiny tiny wedding, a honeymoon, and the rest of the money set aside for fertility treatments.

The cold hard fact of reality is that we have a very small chance of conceiving a child on our own. We need help in some way shape or form from a clinic. If that wasn’t the issue, I swear I would give in to this wedding in a heartbeat. But it IS an issue and the problem I have with a wedding is justifying the expense. There is NOTHING that justifies spending that money on a wedding that I believe firmly in my heart should be going towards a baby. It feels 100% WRONG.

Thus, we are at a standstill at the moment. I’ve hot the point where until he gives me a list of what he wants in a wedding, I will go no further. I DID find a small place that we could use that fits the bill on many levels. I’ve priced it realistically and I can do it for $3000 but that doesn’t include rings.

And I’m standing firm on this baby thing. We were planning this baby long before we got engaged and now it’s all ass backwards.

He gave me the court house offer with conditions and I didn’t take it. Now I wish I had and I think I’m putting it back on the table.

And if he doesn’t go for any other options then I’m done with all of this and he’s going to have to plan this fucking wedding himself!

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2 responses »

  1. a friend of mine is getting married in July on a teachers & radio dj’s salary. Not awful but not $30,000 either. They’ve been doing as much as they can on thier own. They were both dj’s at one point, so they’re supplying the music at thier wedding on thier own. She’s been busting her ass making decorations and centerpieces for the reception. They ended up finding a venue that caters to both receptions and ceremonies. Knowing her famly, she’s doing this w/her finance and her income alone. Maybe there are shortcuts that can be taken for you guys that may help with cost. Oh! and sites like theknot offer a lot of free goodies to help with planning.

    I hope it gets better soon. Stress on what should be the happiest day of your life,not allowed!

  2. Don’t do it then. I love your rant. Love it. I feel the exact same way, except for me it isn’t completely about the budget so much as the entire industry and buying into that whole concept that feels wrong. I can’t stand this shit. I can’t stand the flowers. I can’t stand the idea of invites. I can’t stand dancing. If you’re gonna have a party, then have a goddamn party. But it doesn’t have to fit the mold of the whole wedding crap.

    And a baby is a hell of a lot more important then a wedding.

    And if/when you have a baby, that kid will be hella expensive. Daycare is about $1k/mo. Diapers, nipple cream/pads, toys, and all that other miscellaneous baby stuff will eat through your pocketbook like crazy. And you will never sleep again. Not good sleep/

    About the rings– hold off on it, or get it from a pawn shop. I know that sounds awful, but it will be a ring, and probably a nice one.

    On my side 🙂 I have delayed my wedding now for almost 2 years, and my son is only 21 months old. I just didn’t feel the need to get married before the baby… once the baby was born, I’ve relented on the idea of marriage, but the cost and the whole concept makes me want to vomit. The baby is most important. If you want to have a kid, then do it. Marriage comes second at the end of the day.

    Good luck. And the happiest day of your life will hopefully when you give birth, not the wedding!!

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