superficial

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I feel so superficial talking about wedding stuff sometimes. I feel superficial when I read my own blog sometimes. I feel like I used to just pour my soul out onto this little box and wait for the feedback and now I just shut it all off and process it in myhead first. By the time I’m done with everything, I have nothing left to say on here. It’s prevented a LOT of arguments that way, but the content quality has shifted.

Then again, I also expended my content into two other places. One for baby stuff and one for sexy time stuff (because really, that stuff HAS to come out of me or I’ll explode) but still with anonymity.

This blog is more the daily bullshit. Like right now I’m abotu to leave work but I feel the urge to write and yet I have nothing of worth to say. But does that matter?

Okay here… remember the insane food budget plan? Well we made it until today without repeating a single dish. Through trial and error and a lot of frustration with someone’s lack of help, I slumped and stopped caring. Between my stomach being sick half the day, going to the gym after work, and it being hotter than the devil’s ass crack lately, I have been lacking in the food department. I get a little sick of “what’s for dinner tonight?” too and I have not been shy about it. But we DID make it over 2 months without repeating anything and I still have stuff on the list yet to cook.

Money has continued to be an issue, but at one point Dean and I sat down and realized the current struggles are only temporary. A wedding for a friend is not going to be every year since all our friends are mostly married off. Friends having babies? Not a lot any time soon since we’ve got one coming into the world tomorrow but the rest of our friends being on a sort of pause means none after that for the rest of this year. I won’t have car payments in a few more months. And on and on.

My life is plenty complicated and there’s always some sort of storm to contend with, but I just stopped writing about it all. I’m tring to be positive about my life and everything in it. My faith skyrocketted this year, my life DID get better, and I don’t like wallowing in the negative. I could easily get bogged down in how things in this country bother me or I could go politcal or I could take a stand on things, but I realize that it’s just not in my nature to be that way. Not even the majority of my family knows how I feel politically, but they know how I make a meatloaf! They know I work in construction, but have zero clue of what I actually do. They know I vote and have strong opinons, but no clue what those opinons are of. Dean is kind of the same way and it’s something I love about him. We don’t need that to fill our lives up.

I’m sure down the road I’ll care more about the latest political scandal or who showed what body part to what intern, but for now my life DOES revolve around making a home, becoming a wife, strengthening my faith in God and other spiritual beliefs, and planning my future out. So I guess even though I feel superficial some times, I know deep down that I’m not. It’s my choice to show whatever side of me to the world that I want to and well? I’m okay with having more than one side to me and I’m more than okay with this being the primary side.

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