Well that’s pretty much it… we’re a few days away from living together. One more round of packing and schlepping and he’ll be fully moved in and then thats it. The official end to my single life as I know it… and I can’t wait. I’m nervous as hell and I can’t wait.
So far it’s been an easy transition. He doesn’t have much in the way of furniture and because I want all of it to match, we had to buy a dresser. We’re not taking on his bed and we’re not turning the second bedroom into a nursery. I converted that room (after a LOT of work) into an office area and after Dean moved his desk and computer in, I realized my layout wouldn’t work anymore so there will be more work to do, but it’s worth it to have a space for him to game and me to be crafty. Some how despite getting rid of things, I have more storage.
Then came the budget and debt talk. I was dreading this talk and was terrified he’d be furious about my debt. I was scared we wouldn’t agree. I was scared he’d say that I needed to take care of my own shit. I have (what feels like) a lot of credit card debt from living alone for 5 years. Dean doesn’t have shit for that kind of debt but has a foreclosed mortgage so I thought maybe we’d come into this pretty even.
After a long talk, spreadsheets done and re-done, and figuring everything out, I breathed a sigh of relief. We really are in this together and really are becoming one unit (but not in a gross way) and thinking together on everything. A united front against everything, not two separate lives fighting the same war. Ultimately we decided that we would combine our income and pay off my debt because with his credit history, I’ll have to be the one to apply for a home loan alone so my credit better be immaculate. But we are also thinking of a future and despite the surplus of cash we’ll have by combining incomes and lives, we’ve decided to put half of that surplus towards paying down half the debt rather than all of it and decided to put the other half of the surplus towards savings. That savings will either go to fertility treatments (I hope not), a house, or a wedding. Or if the cost of living remains the same here, it may go towards keeping us afloat when Dean becomes a stay at home dad because Jesus H, daycare is ridiculous here! Either way, we’re figuring this out and making this work and there’s no fighting over it. It’s all grown up talking.
The biggest part of all of this is making two opposites work it out. I’m compulsive and cannot rest if things are unfinished. He could leave something undone for a year and not care. I cannot go to Ikea and come home with things in boxes. I HAVE to put things together and organize and I wear myself out. He thinks the shopping trip alone is exhausting and doesn’t want to do shit at the end of the day. Same with this budget thing… I would sit there and tweak, re-tweak, and tweak some more at the spread sheet even though decisions were made because I need to have that plan quite literally laid out in front of me. After an impromptu “couples therapy” session with my parents, we made some changes and now he says things like “okay you have ten more minutes to finish that spreadsheet and then you have to put it down. Promise me you’ll do that.” and the shocking thing isn’t that he demands this of me, but that I actually obey.
The other shocking thing is that all I have to do with him is ask him to take care of something and he does AND he responds well to lists. Like super well. He told me outright he just doesn’t see clutter or dust or a sink of dirty dishes and if I want them done, I have to ask. I don’t want to be a nag, but he said thats fine. Sure as shit, if I just say “I need you to do the dishes before I get home so I can cook” POOF! They’re done! If I ask him what he’s doing on his day off, he accomplishes nothing, but if I give him a list and put it in order of convenience, damn does he knock it out! And not only that, but he stays motivated and keeps doing stuff. Its kind of awesome and while I’m still afraid it could backfire into resentment one day, I think we might have found our groove to make things work.
Now he just needs to finish moving in! Only 13 more days and he will though. Hard to believe I’ve come to this point after all the bullshit I lived through prior. There was really a point where I thought I’d never get here and now I can’t even remember how it was before this.