adventures in merging

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This whole merging lives and babymaking adventure has taught me a few things:

– While chiseling out the logistics of moving in together, you start to realize that not only do you have way too much shit for one apartment, you can’t seem to get rid of it fast enough.

– A 36 inch tube TV will take 3 days to get rid of on Craigslist. A beat up dresser, twin bed, and cheap Ikea side table will get you 33 replies in 2 hours.

– You stop buying things for “me” and start buying things for “us” and you stop thinking about “what if we are no longer an us?”

– Finding a couch you both agree on will be akin to searching for the Holy Grail when there’s almost a foot of height differential between the two of you, you want to hide stains but have a year-round shedding husky, and you’re buying something long term thats going to have to fit in a home thats short term.

– When you both have digestive issues and there is only one bathroom, there is no longer a closed door policy. In fact, there will be MANY conversations that occur with one of you on the toilet.

– When he goes with you to a doctors appointment, your entire view will change because suddenly you know 100% that he’s really going to be there every step of the way.

– Reading message boards on any of the baby websites is guaranteed to simultaneously make you feel like a member of MENSA and weep for the future.

– Despite the basic biology of sperm + egg = baby, there’s a LOT more to it than that and it’s shocking how tiny your chances actually are every month. This makes it all the more astounding how many people get pregnant having only fucked once.

– If at first you don’t like your doctor, switch and find another one. At some point you plan on this person being up inside your vagina helping to extract a tiny human out so you better like her/him.

– Conversations about sex, porn, and masturbation become every day topics.

– To keep the sex life fun, you will do anything you can including, but not limited to: finally utilizing the lingerie drawer, greeting each other at the door naked, the filthiest dirty talk you can imagine, drawing on each other’s bodies, wearing pigtails in public, and putting clothing (yes, there was even a small football helmet) on the penis. That last one led to so much laughing that we couldn’t see straight.

– If you’re pushing 30 and 35 and you’re childless, never been married, and you live apart, outsiders will think you’re insane for trying to have a kid. Your friends and family on the other hand will completely understand it and support you. Especially when you both have very ethnic parents and very pushy siblings antsy for nieces/nephews.

– Post-coital you’ll look at each other and realize that this is really it and you’re really making this happen. At some point you’ll realize that love really is all you need.

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5 responses »

  1. re: baby forums

    This right here is the best pregnancy/baby forum ever. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3316492

    The main forums can be terrible horrible no good and I don’t recommend them to anyone who is easily offended (though I think you could deal with it) but the pregnancy/baby forum is AWESOME. No stupid acronyms or glitter test or any of that bull. There was also a trying to conceive thread at one point, but I’m not sure if it’s still active.

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