Monthly Archives: January 2011

moving

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Moving in together is a slow process for us because other people are involved.

He lives with his mom. He has since I met him. Basically life took a turn for the unplanned and he was laid off and lost his house. His mother is also a widow as of last March. Meaning: he met me about a month after his stepdad died and I stole her baby boy from her. You can imagine the initial tension between us wasn’t just because of him.

I’ve had some issues with how he is about his mom, but I always have to remember that widow part and re-adjust my sympathy view. I am a very understanding person as well. It’s not been an overbearing, creepy, or inappropriate relationship with them either, he’s just protective and looks out for her. Over time, his mom (whom I call Mom Person) and I have formed a relationship of sorts and when Dean landed in the hospital for his kidney stones and Mom Person and I had some alone time, we really bonded. We even got each other Christmas gifts this year and have progressed to hugs whenever we say good bye.

This is a new thing for me. I’ve never really liked my boyfriends moms. There’s always some sort of issue there and/or they’re horrible people (thus their sons are assholes and why my relationships never lasted). But this one I like. She’s a lot like me (shocking!) and we get along well now that we’ve busted through the haze.

The point to all this is that yes Dean is moving in, but his mom needs to be settled first and I agreed to this and support it. I have even offered to help her pack and move (though Dean because I’m not sure how she’d receive it directly through me) because I care about her. I mean I plan on marrying Dean so this woman will be my secondary mother. I want a good relationship built from the beginning. Hell, i even have visions of her, my mom, and me all having lunches together once in a while. I mean it, I REALLY do like her.

Anyway, Mom Person has been looking for a new place for quite some time. She also knows he’s not planning on moving with her. She knows this is not anything personal, he is just ready for a new life. It’s all been good, but until she finds a place, he’s staying put and contributing to the rent she relies on. I’m fine with this and he continues to establish security with me by slowly moving pieces here and setting up new things. For instance, he bought a new TV for us and it now live sin my living room. He brought his PS3 over here so I can watch DVDs on this new TV. About a 1/4 of his wardrobe now lives here as well.

Last night he took over my cellphone and number because I left AT&T and joined him in a “family plan” that will save us $120 a month since I’ve left behind a smartphone as well as a network. Believe it or not, this was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in years. I realize how odd it sounds to be cautious about switching to a phone plan, but not even remotely cautious about trying to have a baby together, but some things feel far more natural than others. Life also goes the way it wants to, not always the way you plan. It’s just that he owns MY number now. I went from solo and independent to relying on a man. I know, I know. It’s not really that. It’s a smart move and saves us money and it makes sense. It’s just, you know… I’m no longer solo… I’m part of an “us” and its awesome and weird at the same time.

I’m adjusting and no longer have long term issues with it. Once I accept it, I am happy and feel great. It only takes a day or two to accept all the changes too. Crazy. After the phone thing, we went couch shopping together. We found a couch that I am not madly in love with, but he is very comfortable on and the dog will be too, so when I get my tax return, we’ll go back and buy it. I could have let it be this big purchase we made together last night, but I decided to sleep on it. I’m glad I did because I’m positive I want the set and I’m positive I want us to buy it together. Oy.

So yeah… the moving in is happening at it’s own pace and I’m good with it. I’m ready for it and everything is working out wonderfully thanks to patience and understanding. Now we just need to get Mom Person settled into a good place and make sure we visit her frequently once she does. Maybe she’ll even come out here once in a while. Eventually. One can dream.

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december part two

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HOLIDAYS, cont’d…
Knowing I wanted to bolt at 4am, naturally Dean and I fooled around and stayed up too late. We actually got out the door around 4:45 and headed up to Ohio. He slept the first 4 hours of the trip and when he woke up, we were across the Ohio border with 3 hours left to go. We only stopped for fuel and food and made it in record time.

The next 2.5 days were utter bliss. We were crammed into a full size bed and forced to snuggle due to lack of space and for warmth. That half of the house is old farm house and therefore quite drafty. Fine for us, we love the cold, but its nice to snuggle with someone who is a natural space heater and then pull back the covers for a quick cool down. The man is also 6’5″ and built like a brick house. I’m not exactly small either, but some how we fit perfectly and made it work. We even squeezed in sex VERY quietly one morning since we discovered the bed and floor didn’t squeak at all. SCORE!

Everyone adored him. He was his affectionate self with me and didn’t hold back which I appreciated. He’s one of those guys who listens to what everyone says and then busts out with a fantastically funny one-liner that gets everyone. He was full of them. My aunt is all about forced family fun, but its actually a LOT of fun to sit around the table playing dominoes and board games. And thats what we did. We had a lot of family meals (breakfast, dinner), played a lot of games, and laughed non-stop. There was no awkwardness and no drama. Not one odd moment ever even happened. Dean seemed to fit right in and he got to see The Siblings Three in action. He doesn’t have the same relationship with his sister so this was a bit foreign to him. Still, he fit right in and between the 3 of them (Dean and my siblings) they had me laughing so hard I had to pull over to pee. Everything was utterly great and I even got a few presents on top of it.

I have about a billion photos to post, but I can’t find my camera cord so they’ll have to wait a bit. I also need to yank some pics from my mom’s camera.

BABY MAKING
After “let’s just see what happens” never resulted in anything other than another trip to the doctor’s office. I went back and forth between needing security and then telling him I was fine without it. At one point I even said I thought we should be married first. But then things started to shift and we had these deep meaningful conversations and I knew he wouldn’t leave me. I knew at one point he was it for me. That’s when I lifted the pressure. That’s when the kidney stone happened and the 4 total hospital visits.

But then reality struck and I had to squash the babymaking efforts. I have Steph’s wedding in August and a beach trip two weeks later. I put the penis on lock down and this time instead of charting when I was fertile to get pregnant, I was checking to AVOID pregnancy. The semen embargo was put into place and restrictions were held through the first week of December.

By Christmas, my next period had come and gone and the semen embargo was officially lifted. When we got back from Ohio, I sent Dean back to his life and me back to mine. I had a short easy week at work since most everyone was off on vacation so I was fully relaxed and even had time to do some online research. After many days of peeing into a cup and testing my urine, my fertility window had finally arrived.

I’m happy to report that the first attempt was not only easy, it was also fun. Lingerie was involved, special dinners cooked, and more laughter than you can imagine ensued. Example: post coital, I had my legs on the wall and my ass propped up while lying on my back. Dean walks back in from the bathroom and asks me what I’m doing. I say “directing traffic”. Badum-ching! It doesn’t get any easier than this. We even had a New Year’s Eve tossed in there that was quiet, fun, full of good food, and full of sex.

We also got a taste of what commuting for him would be like and how it will be when we live together in my apartment. It wasn’t as stressful as I thought and when the time came for him to leave, I wasn’t my usual sad self. It feels like this is the way it’s supposed to be. I’ve never been one to follow the pack and go in a specific order so baby > moving > marriage is probably just the right order for me.

And with that, the babymaking process has officially begun. I feel good about it and us. We promised each other we would not freak out, get too excited, or get too disappointed and just let it flow. I know it will take some time, but you have to start somewhere!

Here we are heading face first into the next adventure… and I’m so glad I have him to hold my hand.

december part one

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December went from being a slow laid back month to a festival of traveling, family, holidays, and babymaking. It’s amazing just how much time and effort you have to set aside for all of that.

US
Somewhere around the time of Dean’s kidney stone incident, everything went from insane to calm. Something about being vulnerable and stuck in a hospital gown made Dean appreciate me a little more. Something about racing to and from hospitals just to hold his hand made me realize exactly how much I love that man too. Everything kind of calmed down from then on out. I think the conversation before the ER visit about being okay with things going at a different pace also helped. I took the pressure off of him and then was there for him and the arguments just kind of stopped entirely. It was the reassurance we both needed.

And I stand by my decisions. I told him to move in when I got pregnant or when his mom moves, whichever comes first, and not rush it. I decided the less stress that was on him the better it was for him and his testicles. This was on the condition that when it was time to actually MAKE the baby, he’d be around the entire week timeframe I needed and not leave. In other words, now that the pressure was off, we could both relax. From relaxation came a deeper love and understanding and things have been utterly amazing. I feel like we’ve survived something and come out stronger even though nothing truly bad happened.

FAMILY
After my early December trip to Ohio came and went, I was left with a renewed sense of family togetherness and the importance of being together. It’s no secret that I have not gotten along with my dad’s side of the family in recent years. It never made sense to me either because my few trips to Ohio a year were vacations to me. I know going out to a farm to do nothing for a week is not thrilling to most, but it was to me. My vile former Stepmonster really fucked all that up and it’s taken years to wash away her harmful manipulations. Then grandpa died and things changed. His funeral and our subsequent family gathering was the first time I’d seen most of them in eons and I missed it.

After that weekend with my dad when we took grandma back, I felt that spark of love and warmth that I’d been missing. I felt that piece of my heart fill back up and the shadowy memories of old faded into the darkness for good. Whatever Stepmonster had done seemed to have vanished for good and I felt WELCOME again. I felt like I belonged there again. I felt GOOD being there with my family! I couldn’t explain this to Dean, but I knew that was the reason I had to go back for the holidays.

Then a miracle happened. Both of my brothers had managed to get time off and change plans and were both headed to Ohio to see the family. I knew right at that moment that I had to be there for Christmas. Then another miracle: Members of my family chipped in and paid for a plane ticket for one sibling to travel and sent a large sum of cash my way that covered all my gas expenses. Even my mom volunteered to take all three of my pets (2 cats and a dog) if I brought them over to her. Destiny? Clearly!

HOLIDAYS
Initially I’d told Dean I’d spend Christmas with his family and we’d go to his dad’s one night and be with his mom another night. Then my sibling miracle occurred and I changed it. I didn’t want Dean to have to choose… I knew it was selfish that I was making him choose, but I was determined to get to Ohio and now had the funds. So I told him outright that this was the first time in over 3 years that The Siblings Three (me and my brothers) would be able to have Christmas together and that I leaving. I told him I knew it was selfish and I didn’t want him to choose, but he had to. It was either Christmas with me or without me. He chose me.

It was not an ideal situation… I mean here I am upheaving plans, cramming 16 hours worth of driving into a 3 day period, and squishing this mini trip into our lives just so I could get one night with both of my brothers. I did everything in my power to show him how grateful I was and told him over and over how wonderful it was that he was doing this for me. I even thanked his mom for understanding and told her how much I appreciate her when we were all 3 at dinner the weekend before.

So the day before Christmas Eve, I was off work and spent the day getting everything together. This included wrangling up my 3 furballs, hauling Nola’s giant cage down the stairs and into my truck, packing up the truck, spending an hour with mom and the “kids” so everyone would adjust nicely, and then spending 2 hours in traffic to get to Dean’s shop for my oil change and wiper blade fix.

Dean’s mom (I call her Mom Person because I think her first name is too informal but her last name is too formal) had dinner with us and we laughed and discussed the trip. Then out of the blue it was presents time. I had a gift for her that I wrapped up with some effort that was more meaningful than pricey. It was used (two gigantic picture frames that hold about 40 photos each) but I know she loves photos and has them everywhere, so I hoped she would look past the slightly torn inner template. Anyway, next thing I know she hands me a gift bag with two coffee mugs (cat lover and dog lover) and a chef’s knife set! I’d told Dean I wanted a chef’s knife, not her! I was visibly touched and happy and then made her open her gift. Then she went to get Dean his and he went with her. Next thing I know, I have a huge heavy box on my lap.

The man bought me pots and pans. A 13 piece brand spanking new set of pots and pans!!!!!!!!! I’ve never had new cookware. I’ve had hand-me-downs and Salvation Army store finds and random pieces from garage sales. This is a full set, all matching, and it’s NEW. I was so beyond happy, I can’t even explain it.

And THEN we still had Ohio ahead of us.

to be continued…