Moving in together is a slow process for us because other people are involved.
He lives with his mom. He has since I met him. Basically life took a turn for the unplanned and he was laid off and lost his house. His mother is also a widow as of last March. Meaning: he met me about a month after his stepdad died and I stole her baby boy from her. You can imagine the initial tension between us wasn’t just because of him.
I’ve had some issues with how he is about his mom, but I always have to remember that widow part and re-adjust my sympathy view. I am a very understanding person as well. It’s not been an overbearing, creepy, or inappropriate relationship with them either, he’s just protective and looks out for her. Over time, his mom (whom I call Mom Person) and I have formed a relationship of sorts and when Dean landed in the hospital for his kidney stones and Mom Person and I had some alone time, we really bonded. We even got each other Christmas gifts this year and have progressed to hugs whenever we say good bye.
This is a new thing for me. I’ve never really liked my boyfriends moms. There’s always some sort of issue there and/or they’re horrible people (thus their sons are assholes and why my relationships never lasted). But this one I like. She’s a lot like me (shocking!) and we get along well now that we’ve busted through the haze.
The point to all this is that yes Dean is moving in, but his mom needs to be settled first and I agreed to this and support it. I have even offered to help her pack and move (though Dean because I’m not sure how she’d receive it directly through me) because I care about her. I mean I plan on marrying Dean so this woman will be my secondary mother. I want a good relationship built from the beginning. Hell, i even have visions of her, my mom, and me all having lunches together once in a while. I mean it, I REALLY do like her.
Anyway, Mom Person has been looking for a new place for quite some time. She also knows he’s not planning on moving with her. She knows this is not anything personal, he is just ready for a new life. It’s all been good, but until she finds a place, he’s staying put and contributing to the rent she relies on. I’m fine with this and he continues to establish security with me by slowly moving pieces here and setting up new things. For instance, he bought a new TV for us and it now live sin my living room. He brought his PS3 over here so I can watch DVDs on this new TV. About a 1/4 of his wardrobe now lives here as well.
Last night he took over my cellphone and number because I left AT&T and joined him in a “family plan” that will save us $120 a month since I’ve left behind a smartphone as well as a network. Believe it or not, this was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in years. I realize how odd it sounds to be cautious about switching to a phone plan, but not even remotely cautious about trying to have a baby together, but some things feel far more natural than others. Life also goes the way it wants to, not always the way you plan. It’s just that he owns MY number now. I went from solo and independent to relying on a man. I know, I know. It’s not really that. It’s a smart move and saves us money and it makes sense. It’s just, you know… I’m no longer solo… I’m part of an “us” and its awesome and weird at the same time.
I’m adjusting and no longer have long term issues with it. Once I accept it, I am happy and feel great. It only takes a day or two to accept all the changes too. Crazy. After the phone thing, we went couch shopping together. We found a couch that I am not madly in love with, but he is very comfortable on and the dog will be too, so when I get my tax return, we’ll go back and buy it. I could have let it be this big purchase we made together last night, but I decided to sleep on it. I’m glad I did because I’m positive I want the set and I’m positive I want us to buy it together. Oy.
So yeah… the moving in is happening at it’s own pace and I’m good with it. I’m ready for it and everything is working out wonderfully thanks to patience and understanding. Now we just need to get Mom Person settled into a good place and make sure we visit her frequently once she does. Maybe she’ll even come out here once in a while. Eventually. One can dream.