stoned

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PMS is evil. It helped lead to my first moments of doubt with Dean and our future. That lead to some big thinking and a new plan of action.

I foolishly told him I wanted to talk to him ahead of time thinking he’d appreciate the heads up, but forgot he has woman-like tendencies once in a while and that sent his head spinning. Oops. Oh well. It gave me the time I needed to pull it all together. I stood my ground and refused to give in to his reaction so we shelved it till we were face to face the next day which was Saturday.

I call Dean every morning to wake him up. I call once and then call 30 minutes later to shove him out of bed from afar. I wake up 45 minutes later myself. I do the same thing Saturday mornings and this Saturday was no exception. He told me he’d been up all night with stomach cramps. I won’t lie, I thought this was a guilt trip. My day flew by and next thing I know, he’s walking in the door at 4:30. He looked pale and exhausted so I gave him some fresh baked cookies, gave him a pedicure (yeah I spoil him, but I like doing it), rubbed his feet, and sent him off for a nap. He told me his stomach had been hurting him all day again and a nap was a good idea. When he woke up, we went to dinner and planned on seeing a movie after that.

I had this feeling something was wrong so I decided I better have the talk with him. I said what I needed to say, apologized for a few things, told him we can’t fight over the phone anymore (but if he insists, we can do it in person) and reminded him of why we love each other and what our goal is. He held my hand at that point and I said “in the end, it’s all about that baby we both want. We need to be stable and happy and be as good to each other as we can. I want to give that kid the best shot at life it can have and that starts with us.” And just like that, the tension was gone, agreements were made, and everything felt better.

I couldn’t have timed it better and I’m glad I didn’t wait any further because about an hour into the movie, Dean started feeling bad again. I have no idea where we left off because at one point he whispered to me from the side of the theater and I knew it was go time. Next thing I know, he’s in agonizing pain and I’m driving his car like a bat out of hell to the only hospital I know the location of 16 miles away. I’m praying to every deity I can to get me to the hospital without getting pulled over. Someone was listening because I flew right past one cop and he didn’t even flinch.

One IV drip, some kick ass pain killers, an x-ray some other kind of scan, and 4 hours later, it turned out that Dean had a really big kidney stone and it was currently stuck near his pelvic bone. We were sent home about 3am with some instructions, prescriptions, and instructions to take a lot of ibuprofen if the other pain meds wore off and the pain came back before I could get to a pharmacy. The same deity’s that watched over us before were still on duty because I barely avoided hitting 2 deer and one fox about a mile from the house. When we got home, he was feeling GREAT! So great that he took the dog out while I was peeing. Scared the hell out of me.

Eventually I got him back to bed and made him sleep. Then I passed out. I woke up 4 hours later to go to the pharmacy. I looked like hell, but the pharmacists didn’t even question it. They assumed I was his wife… his very tired and ragged wife who just wanted to go back to bed. Instead of sleeping, I spent the entire day taking care of him. After I got him to finally get in the shower and feel better, he went home. He has an appointment tomorrow back near his house and I have to finish up the monthly billing.

But everything feels different now. It kinda feels like a kidney stone made everything better.

Something about the vulnerability of being in the hospital, being in pain, having someone see you when you’re completely down, that same person holding the IV bag up in one hand and the pee cup in the other… well I guess that kind of makes you forget the bullshit, value the one you love, and let go of the little shit.

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