I’ll do it my way


The happier I am the harder it is for me to blog. I make it a point not to write when I’m in the middle of an emotional moment too because by the time I write it all out, I feel better, change my mind, and move on. Plus, this is only MY side of things, not his too.

It’s not like things aren’t going on. It’s not like I don’t have a ton of shit to say. On the contrary. I have a lot going on and a lot to say. I just suck at writing it out. So fuck it, let’s try bullet formatting without the bullets. That usually works for me.

Fighting – we fight a lot. At least, I call it a “lot”. I think by most people’s standards, it’s pretty low, but by my standards anything is a lot. They’re becoming far more efficient, move faster, and I’m figuring out how to make my point faster and also learning which ones are even worth entertaining. Taking a page out of grandma’s book and her advice of “pick your battles” has never rung truer. The more I learn, the less I get hurt and the easier it is to get through them. I think we’re getting over the fighting early on and later on in our relationship we won’t fight nearly as much. This is the theory I’m going with because it’s been the exact opposite in past relationships and look how those turned out. Maybe I’m on to something.

Couples – Suddenly I’m with a guy who has a lot of married or coupled off friends. Now we’re hanging out with his coupled friends and my coupled friends. I never had this with other boyfriends. Then again, my other boyfriends never really had much in the way of a social network. What I particularly enjoy is the fact that Dean is incredible affectionate and doesn’t hide this in front of his friends. If anything, he seems to compete with his male friends for who can be cuter with their female. It’s kinda fun. That, and Dean has really great friends. I get along with all the women his friends are dating or are married to and his friends are really good guys. Even the one catty chick I can get along with… booze helps.

Moving – We’ve moved up from arguing about moving in together to talking about it like it’s going to happen. It turns out I just needed to back off. So I did. As soon as I did, he opened up more. Now I get frequent questions about scenarios he imagines and how I’d react. Apparently I’m answering correctly because he gets more and more positive about moving and now we’ve established that he will move in after the new year. We’ve also been discussing furniture and who’s stuff is going where. So far so good. We may not have an exact date in mind, but we’ve got a goal now and I’m happy about it.

Baby Pause – I’ve put us on a babymaking pause. Why the pause? Because I have two very important things coming up next summer and I can’t fuck them up. My best friend Steph is getting married and I’m her Maid of Honor. Did I mention she lives in Toronto? I also have my annual beach vacation with my parents that I NEED every year. I don’t care if I’m a beached whale on the sand or a blimp bridesmaid. I just can’t be on the verge of popping out a kid. I figure if we can hold off trying till Christmas, then I’m golden. Besides, what are the odds I’d get knocked up the first time we try for real while on meds and actually give it a good hearty go? Yeah, slim to none. We’ll see. I’m still taking my meds (by the way, metformin is the devil) and still trying to drop a few pounds, but I’ve put him on *ahem* ejaculation restriction with me at certain times of the month until the end of the year. It’s not the easiest thing for him to do, but it’s temporary and he knows how important this is to me.

Metformin Sucks – Did I mention that Metformin sucks? Because it really does! After a month of being on it, I’m still not fully used to the side effects. I’ve experimented with different foods being cut out, different ones being increased, and changing the times I take the medication. Guess what? It doesn’t matter. None of it does. No matter what I do, about mid-day every day for 1 – 3 hours, I’m in digestive hell. Thank God I work in a large trailer and have quick access to a bathroom at any given moment. Seriously, it will kick you in the gut so fast that you risk explosive results if you sneeze. NOT FUN. Whatever though, if this helps me have a baby then it’s worth it.

Marriage – We’re getting closer to that too. I know we’ve only been together 6 months, but we both know this is it. I don’t think either one of us has ever been so sure of anything in our lives. We just have different wedding desires, but the more we talk about it, the more we’re both bending. My biggest issue is the money. We also discovered that I think we should pick our own rings out and get what we want. He didn’t like this idea until he found out how simple and low cost my ideal ring is. That, and my mom had me try on my grandma and great grandma’s rings and we discovered big diamonds look ridiculous on my short fingers. And while we talk about it so plainly, I still want some romance and I still want a proposal from him on his own when he’s ready. The funny thing is, I’ve always been more prepared and ready for a baby than I have for a wedding so I suppose everything is going in the course it should with us.

Work – I’ve been working harder this year than I ever have in the four years prior. Hard to believe I’ve been there five years, but I think I’ve finally found my groove. Everything is second nature to me now and when things change, I’m changing right along with it. I think it helps that I’ve got such an amazing crew to work with on this project and they’re going to carry on into the next project that just started. I think now that I’ve got my groove, know my job back and forth, and finally have a good crew, I’ll be able to handle whatever comes next. I even feel comfortable with having to move somewhere should they need me to do so.

Overall I’m happy. Like really deliriously happy the vast majority of the time. I feel good despite the digestive disruptions the medication puts me on. I’m please with the direction everything is going. I’ve calmed down about the time line and no longer stressed out about Dean making a decision because we kind of already have. I know life is going to move at the speed it’s supposed to and I’ve accepted that. Fuck tradition. I’m doing this my way.


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