Once upon a time, I made a vow to not ever blog when I was hormonal, in the middle of a fight, or when drunk. So far I’ve managed to obey this rule this year, but I won’t lie… it’s been a little rocky with Dean as of late.
I had this really great vacation, but then I came home sick and was thrown on double antibiotics for sinusitis and a UTI. Well as every woman knows, antibiotics cause other problems and double antibiotics seem to make it even worse. Up until this year, I had only ever experienced one very mild yeast infection. This year? Two from hell.
My point? I was sick as fuck, had a UTI on top of it, and then the cure for both of these caused a yeast infection. If you didn’t already guess it, when the vagina is unhappy the woman who owns it ends up miserable as well.
But is that really the issue? No, not even close. It’s just making me miserable on top of my over-thinking on top of decision making on top of work on top of stress on top of hormonal issues. Essentially, I’ve been a miserable cuntbag and I’ve had a hard time keeping it in check with Dean. In fact, a week after we got back from the beach, we had a fight and ended up staying apart from each other. It was the first time since we started dating that we were apart for such a long time and it was rough. We seem to only ever fight over the phone too and those fights are truly awful. He also loves to fight and hates to lose so he’ll get downright evil if he has to just to win. The problem with that? Some of the shit he says implants in my brain and germinates into full blown spiraling and changes my entire point of view. let’s just say he learned the hard way that he can’t throw a bullshit sentence out to me just to hurt me or try to win, because ultimately it bites him in the ass.
Oh, but all this has a further point…
Dean and I have had some deep thoughts and we’ve decided we want to start a family and get married. The problem with that is the logistics of it all aren’t sinking in and now it’s come to the point where big decisions need to be made before any progress can be made. I’ve argued my case and put my foot down on a few points. I’ve compromised on others. Now the ball is in his court to make a choice and decide the current path of the future. It’s a lot for him to take in and I understand this, but I’m very impatient.
I’m also a walking bag of hormones and my menstrual cycle has been completely blown away two months in a row due to 3 new women starting work in my office in the last 45 days. Clearly I’m NOT the alpha female in this group and working in a trailer as the only woman for 9 months then suddenly having 3 other cycles in there is wreaking havoc on my body. Dean constantly hopes my fucked up periods will result in pregnancy which is actually quite nice to hear and feel. It’s just not been the result yet.
Lately the coping method for all of this has been to drown in reading and I chose to start reading the Harry Potter books for the first time. What a perfect mental vacation!
So there you have it… there’s a LOT on my mind, I’ve been having a hell of a time catching back up at work, and things were a little dicey there with my mate. It seems to have all sorted itself out now though and life has resumed it’s normal course. Now I just need to catch up on blogs, post some beach pictures, and finish the Harry Potter books!
Side note: discovered this past weekend that I am almost as happy with reading in bed together for hours on end as I am with hot passionate make up sex. The combination of the two things in one day? Ecstasy.