So it turns out I cant write for shit lately. This seems to only happen when I’m deliriously happy. When I’m angry, bitchy, sad, depressed, or any other emotion I can pour out entry after entry. But when I’m happy? Its like my brain gets constipated. I can’t make the words come out of my head, through my fingers, and onto the screen. I’ve got half a dozen posts started right now, but can only get so far before I abandon them.
Basically the last few weeks have consisted of being courted by this really incredible guy who has shown me how great a relationship can be. If you were grading me on a scale of progression in men, I’d say I’ve gone from F- with Ryan to C with Chet to A++ with Dean. Naturally at the time, I felt that things were great as they were with Ryan – he was my first everything from first kiss to first black eye. Chet was the biggest learning lesson of my life and made me even stronger than I ever thought I could be. The problem is, I didn’t know how much more I could have in my life.
You dont know what you’ve been missing until you’re suddenly inundated with an abundance of greatness. Then you can’t help but look back at the past and see all the flaws. You don’t see all the bullshit you tolerated until you suddenly don’t have to deal with it and you no longer have to walk on eggshells.
Recently Dean and I have had a few conversations that lead to great outcomes. One of them lead to public declaration of our relationship (isn’t it ridiculous that it’s not official until it’s Facebook official?) and another one lead to him calming me down to such a degree that I actually cried. Why? Because I haven’t ever have a guy who gave enough of a shit to ask me how I am and not only that, but also to provide a solution to my woes AND make me feel better.
So really, Dean is this mega super turbo great guy who has me feeling stupid and giggly and nervous and excited and wonderful all at once. I look forward to each text message. I can’t wait for our brief evening chat on his ride home from work. I hate the distance some days. I miss him when he’s gone. It’s just… great.
Plus, the sex has been really fucking great and I’ve had entirely too much sweaty naked fun with that man. He’s doing his best at trying to break in my severely underused body, but thats another entry entirely that I’ve actually started to write already that I think might actually get finished soon.
And thats it really… I’m enjoying falling for a great guy and I’m really happy. 🙂