wasted away in Stupidville


I’m officially in that stupid stage of the dating game.

It’s that part where you actually break all your own rules and allow yourself to become excited and happy. You allow an expectation to slip through or you allow yourself to become relaxed a bit . You may even go so far as to look forward to things. *gasp*

Why is this so bad? Because if something falls through, even the tiniest of somethings, it becomes a crushing wave of disappointment. When I get disappointed, I tend to spiral and spiraling is dangerous. Combine the stupid stage with PMS and basically there’s a war in my head right now.

The thing is, I know it’s completely ridiculous. This guy is not disappointing me. He’s actually kind of awesome. Okay, REALLY awesome. I can’t even remember the last time I met a guy who contacted me so much. It’s pretty much daily with Dean and I’m honestly not annoyed by it. At all. That’s another foreign feeling. I used to get so annoyed by constant contact. I felt smothered and closed in a box. Now I find myself looking forward to that text message to say hello or those moments of instant messaging when we both have the time or even that phone call here and there. He’s really good about it too.

I just can’t figure out where he’s at. I mean, are we dating? Three dates does NOT a relationship make, but from the start of this to today plus the consistency in contact, it’s been over a month. Damn, almost a month and a half. Does THAT make it something? And what’s that something? Is calling it “dating” something? Do I say “I’m seeing someone” when asked by another male? Oy the endless barrage of questions in my head.

I’m starting to get emotionally invested because I realized last night that I’ve cut off other guys, I’ve gotten stupid giggly over this one, and when he had to change weekend plans? Ummm yeah. I got disappointed. Right then and there I knew I was fucked.

Why am I even questioning anything? I already know the answer. The answer is shut the fuck up and enjoy it for what it is.

You know what else is foreign? Slow movement. I was slower with Chet than most guys and I was glad I waited to jump into bed with him, but this Dean guy? Yeah 3 dates before we even kissed. And what’s funny is that I LIKE how slow it’s going. I think that’s adding to the anticipation of seeing each other. I want to kiss him again. And again. I even dream about just making out! But I can’t just up and kiss him. There’s that distance thing and the slow thing. And the different schedules thing.

So in between the dates there’s contact and anticipation and the breaking of self-imposed rules and fuck, dude! Before I knew it, I found myself located in Stupidville. *le sigh*


One response »

  1. Don’t over-think it. Enjoy it for what it is. You’re having a good time and he’s not being dickhead. Sounds pretty good if you ask me. 🙂

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