Monthly Archives: May 2010



I had this whole post about Lost and the finale and such, but then I found this video on YouTube and realized this says it all far more eloquently than I ever could. I tells the entire story in 3 minutes and gives me the explanation I think fits.

This is by far the best recap of the series I have ever seen:

Or click this link directly:


thunder and lightning (and a few random updates)


A storm ripped through my area last night and after observing Nola, Lily, and Anubis sit by the balcony door watching everything whip around, rain pelt the deck, and lightning strike like strobe lights without so much as flinching, I realized just how fucking stellar my babies are.

It also reminded me of a few other things:

1.) Chet’s dog was/is afraid (among almost everything else on the planet) storms and would have made my life hell last night has this happened when he was around
2.) I hate that fucking dog and I’m glad he’s gone. No, seriously. I hate that dog.
3.) I don’t miss my former life by even one molecule.

I think it’s safe to say I’m 1,000,000% over Chet. I have even considered cutting ties with his brother in law Paul whom I’ve kept a sort of distant correspondence with. Really I did that for the kids because I adore them and I am very fond of Paul, but now I’m thinking… what’s the damn point? I mean it sucks for the kids, but there’s this piece of me that want’s to detach entirely from that entire piece of my life. I don’t want to be heartless, but I don’t want any more of my energy going to places it’s no longer needed. Then again, Paul was the only one in that family I actually liked hanging out with. Probably because we were both “outsiders” and he understood my quirks. So that is something to mull over and think on a bit.

Another thing stuck in my craw: there is a very big part of me that wants to go back and delete the DFL/Larry posts of this blog. I realize if I do that there’s a good chance I’ll regret it later, but I kinda want to anyway. Maybe it’s because when I think of that idiot, I get this coating of slime all over me and I don’t want any reason to think of him. Granted, D is kind of a permanent reminder of him because he is how we met, but that’s fading quickly. The reminders I mean. I’m going to see her in just 2 more weeks and I am looking forward to girl time on the beach for a few days. I need some fucking time off! Man. I realized yesterday I haven’t taken a paid day off just for since December of 2009. That’s 6 months! Oy. Story for another time.

So yeah… stuff to mull over. Not sure what to do. Ho hum.

Other updates:

The biteguard: has worked like a charm. I am no longer destroying my teeth or jaw and I have woken up pain free and nausea free for a solid month now. FUCK YES!

The guy from this entry that made me feel better turned out to be exactly what I predicted: completely and utterly full of shit. I gave up on him a while ago (like after the first date with Dean I think) but forgot to mention that here. And now I have. The end!

The vagina chronicles: I came back 100% clear for every test. No permanent disaster trail left from DFL and it was just an allergic reaction. I then proceeded to throw out all the feminine products I had left and then after taking them to the dumpster, it dawned on me that I COULD have donated them to a woman’s shelter. Whoops.

I think that covers all the tidbits I’ve forgotten to touch back on. If not… well then I’ll just edit this post again. Yay.

and then it hits me


So umm… Sunday night I spent the night with Dean. Just like that. Okay, not like that. We’re not crossing that line yet.

I hadn’t seen him since before my trip to Atlanta for work and we had made tentative plans to see each other this past weekend. Except Mr. Responsible forgot he had other commitments and in the end, I got blown off. He kept in contact with me a lot though so I was never on the back burner entirely. Anyway, Sunday rolls around and I have spent a ridiculous amount of time in the bath tub reading a book. He texts me saying he’s burned out and I say I’d give him a back rub if I could. He says “you can!” and I turn this into an invitation to see him. I’m clever like that.

At first there was hesitance since it was getting late, but I didn’t mind. 6:15 on Sunday night? An hour drive? Yeah I could get in a few hours in and still get home at a reasonable hour. That, and I really wanted to see him. Like really REALLY wanted to. So after a little back and forth, I take off for Maryland.

Normally I’d be really against me making so much effort and having the who’s driving to who so out of balance. Yeah, normally. But this doesn’t feel wrong to me. That being said, it’s still his turn to come to me next go round.

Anyway, so I headed over and lived up to my promise of a back rub. We watched True Blood and got a little cuddly in the living room, but then went into his room to hang out when his mom got home. Can I just tell you what a fucking teenager I felt like? I was giggling like a jackass about it all and enjoying every minute of it.

Time seems to disappear when I hang out with him and it was getting late. It was at that point I joked about falling asleep right there and he told me I was welcome to stay. Reality was I probably could not have made it home without having to stop or grab something to keep me awake. I was secretly relieved when he offered me half of his bed. I was also very relieved that I had a spare contact lens case in my purse. SCORE!

We’re not rushing anything so I waited for the light to go off before I removed my pants and bra. I can’t sleep in those things but I wasn’t going to make a production of it either. I stayed half clothed in a t-shirt and panties and then curled up next to him.

Then he spooned me and wrapped me up in his big arms… and I just melted right into him. I already feel this amazing sense of calm when I’m around him, but this? This was like being the missing puzzle piece. It felt so natural and so nice. That doesn’t happen for me with every guy. It’s pretty rare, actually. But here I was comfy and cozy with this guy.

And then he started kissing the back of my neck and shoulders/back area. Eventually I rolled over part way to kiss him back and woah boy, the making out began. There isn’t much more I can bring myself to say (really – I don’t even want to say this much) other than it was amazing and sweet and it went on for quite a while. I was launched out of Stupidville and right into Blissville. But that’s it. There was nothing more than kissing and snuggling and sleeping. Like I said, we’re going slow and we’re not crossing that line yet.

He was asleep before I was. After the initial panic washed over me, I fell asleep too. I can’t explain it, but lately I get this crazy irrational fear that something is going to happen to my apartment or my furry babies while I’m gone. So once I went through the mental checklist of “oh fuck, did I turn the right lights on/off? Did I turn the stove off?” bullshit, I think I finally calmed myself down enough to drift off to the sounds of my bed companion snoring away.

When I woke up, I had to face the reality of driving back across the Beltway. After a sweet goodbye, I headed off to hell. In the rain. Two accidents (them) and one near accident (me) later, I was finally back to my house. Everything was still intact and it turns out my dog has the capability of being awesome because she didn’t leave me any gifts to clean up.

I hoped right in the shower, got dressed, and headed for work. I got there 5 minutes early. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face all day even if you tried.

And yes, he did contact me later on that day. And today. Weeeeee!

wasted away in Stupidville


I’m officially in that stupid stage of the dating game.

It’s that part where you actually break all your own rules and allow yourself to become excited and happy. You allow an expectation to slip through or you allow yourself to become relaxed a bit . You may even go so far as to look forward to things. *gasp*

Why is this so bad? Because if something falls through, even the tiniest of somethings, it becomes a crushing wave of disappointment. When I get disappointed, I tend to spiral and spiraling is dangerous. Combine the stupid stage with PMS and basically there’s a war in my head right now.

The thing is, I know it’s completely ridiculous. This guy is not disappointing me. He’s actually kind of awesome. Okay, REALLY awesome. I can’t even remember the last time I met a guy who contacted me so much. It’s pretty much daily with Dean and I’m honestly not annoyed by it. At all. That’s another foreign feeling. I used to get so annoyed by constant contact. I felt smothered and closed in a box. Now I find myself looking forward to that text message to say hello or those moments of instant messaging when we both have the time or even that phone call here and there. He’s really good about it too.

I just can’t figure out where he’s at. I mean, are we dating? Three dates does NOT a relationship make, but from the start of this to today plus the consistency in contact, it’s been over a month. Damn, almost a month and a half. Does THAT make it something? And what’s that something? Is calling it “dating” something? Do I say “I’m seeing someone” when asked by another male? Oy the endless barrage of questions in my head.

I’m starting to get emotionally invested because I realized last night that I’ve cut off other guys, I’ve gotten stupid giggly over this one, and when he had to change weekend plans? Ummm yeah. I got disappointed. Right then and there I knew I was fucked.

Why am I even questioning anything? I already know the answer. The answer is shut the fuck up and enjoy it for what it is.

You know what else is foreign? Slow movement. I was slower with Chet than most guys and I was glad I waited to jump into bed with him, but this Dean guy? Yeah 3 dates before we even kissed. And what’s funny is that I LIKE how slow it’s going. I think that’s adding to the anticipation of seeing each other. I want to kiss him again. And again. I even dream about just making out! But I can’t just up and kiss him. There’s that distance thing and the slow thing. And the different schedules thing.

So in between the dates there’s contact and anticipation and the breaking of self-imposed rules and fuck, dude! Before I knew it, I found myself located in Stupidville. *le sigh*

so horn-y


Reason #876534 why I adore my wonderful friend WantonMaleness

me: i found you a man
me: with a big horn
WM: I hate you
WM: I’ll hate you more when I am done laughing
me: your love for me grows daily
me: and moments like these are when it doubles
WM: very true
WM: and a man for you
me: touche my friend, touche

about a boy


I’m not gone, I’ve just been traveling. And sick. And dating. Me behind on entries = one long one.

Yeah. So. I went down south for a work thing and spent the weekend there. Part of it was a party to celebrate the company’s 50th anniversary. The other part was a volunteer service project. Of the thousand or so people they flew down for the party (and to be fair, a lot of people had their spouses/significant others with them) only about 150 people stayed on for the service project. When I volunteered it was 3 months ago and I was done with Chet. I figured “well he’s not coming to the party with me anymore so I might as well volunteer.”

The party was nice and very swanky. I wore a very pretty dress I bought off ebay about 2 or 3 years ago that I never got to wear. Despite feeling the size of a blimp, apparently I looked really really pretty because I got about a million compliments. It was very nice, but frankly, I’m not much of a party person. I drink hard and fast and then stop. If I don’t, I do VERY stupid things. As it stands, I managed to send of a picture or two on my phone to this guy I’m sorta dating. Being the gentleman he is, he didn’t let me keep doing that. We’ll get there in a few. Anyway, once I upgraded to whiskey it was all over. I quit drinking and then took one of the shuttle buses back to the hotel to get some rest.

The next morning was the service project. Basically we supplied the labor (and I think we paid for part of it?) to build a playground from the ground up in one day. Yeah. It was definitely a backbreaking event and I got thrown on mulch duty (suck!) but at the beginning of the afternoon we were done. We busted ass and opened up the playground that day for the kids. I won’t lie, I got choked up when the kids were thanking us. I felt like I DID something and a good something at that.

We all headed back to the hotel or office and by the time I got there, I didn’t even have the energy to shower, but I had to. I had mulch in places one should never have mulch! Post-shower I felt better but I was exhausted. I managed to pick up dinner from across the street and then lay down on the bed with a book. Sunday I got to spend the entire day traveling and experiencing different degrees of hell on earth. For example: I’m a little claustrophobic and the train that takes you from security to the terminal gates went apeshit, slammed the brakes causing injuries, and got stuck in the tunnel for what felt like an eternity.

Yeah. Suckville. But eventually I made it home. Okay but really, this entry is more about the man. I think part of my lapse in posting is my hesitance to write about him. I’m always paranoid and have irrational superstitions about dating. I’m also afraid of him finding this and not understanding. But whatever. I also need to get it out of my system.

I really wish I understood men. A magic device that interpreted the actions and words would be ever so helpful. You’d think other men would be able to help me figure this out but it turns out each man has his own opinion and none of them concur. If they can’t decipher their own gender then I think it’s safe to assume that I never will.

I mentioned a male in the bullet/heart point entry (heart point #2) and his name is Dean.

To recap, he was a yenta-approved male from eHarmony and we had a date and it was nice. The first date was food, meeting in person, the usual jitters and butterflies, a trip to the bookstore to scout out books and read a little, and then headed back. We had an awkward goodbye because I can’t read men to save my life and I’m ridiculously out of practice on dating. The second date (first attempt) I was already going to be in his neck of the woods so we made plans to go out. Then he went MIA and I didn’t hear from him for days. Finally I saw him in facebook briefly so I emailed him on there. A sarcastic possibly a tiny bit guilt trippy quick email. He replied the next day and we got back into talking.

About this time I caught the chest cold from hell that started as a wee tickle in the throat and morphed into sinus pain, coughing, snot, and eventually the loss of my voice. Still, Dean and I kept talking, but at this point I assumed I was in the friend-zone so I kept it a certain way with him. Basically I stopped trying. We talked pretty much every day in some way or another and again, I kept it pretty nonchalant. Being sick helped this and as the weekend rolls around, mine starts with a NyQuil bender on Friday night and I pass out until late in the day Saturday. By Saturday afternoon I’m antsy to get out of the house. Dean says I should come out and see a movie with him, I agree. I drive across the beltway while doped up quite heavily on the last of my DayQuil. Guess who forgot her other bag of cough drops? THIS GIRL!

So figuring that I’m in the friends zone and I’m sick as fuck, I showed up wearing jeans and this shirt. (It’s safe to click, but in case the link vanishes one day, it’s a shirt with a little bar of soap with a caption that says “rub me on your butt!” Like I said, I wasn’t trying anymore, wasn’t thinking clearly, and was sick. This shirt is an attention getter to say the least.

When I picked him up, my voice was obliterated, but I was in a great mood and laughing a lot thus coughing a lot. We ended up running to get me some meds and then headed to the movie. Then it got confusing.

He paid for the movie. He also went and got me a big bottle of cold water since I was coughing. Every time I moved in my seat, he asked if I was okay. At some point he got a little flirty. He even patted my back a couple times. The heat was effed in the theater so we got free movie vouchers which I directed to him since he paid. Then it got even more confusing when I dropped him back at home and we went to say goodbye. the shirt came up in conversation and lead to giggles and a gesture or two. We hugged goodbye and I swear, dude gave me the “I want to kiss you” look. It might have happened if not for me hacking up a lung and his hesitance.

I drove home utterly confused. I thought for sure I was in the friend zone, but then all signs pointed to perhaps a third date? Flash forward to this week. I knew I was gonna be in Maryland again because I had another biteguard fitting before my trip south. I told him I’d be there Thursday and asked if he wanted to go to dinner, my treat. He said yes and after my appointment, I went over to his place to pick him up. We went off to dinner and then went back to his place… and I met his mom. Okay, so dude lives with his mom. It’s a long justified story and I’m not going to say anything more than that. I’m okay with it and that’s what matters.

We watched a little TV and got a little cuddly which was quite nice, and then eventually migrated to his room to fuck around on the computer and watch a movie. More sporadic cuddly moments ensued and before I knew it, it was after midnight! Holy shit! I had an hour drive home, hadn’t packed yet for my weekend, and had to be out of the house by 7:45am to get on a plane. FUCK! In essence, I had to leave. He walked me out and after a night of being cuddly, the conclusion of date #3, and my need for a little progress, I was dying for him to kiss me. FINALLY after a long hug and some Eskimo kisses, I got a real one.

Wow. Just wow.

I may be rusty on dating and it’s been a long time since I actually kissed someone without it immediately leading to sex, but that was definitely a wow moment.

I headed back to Virginia high as a kite and couldn’t even function when I finally rolled in the door at 1:30am. I was too scattered to do anything so I forced myself to sleep at 2am. I woke back up at 6am to pack my suitcase, take the dog out, shower, get in gear, and made it out the door right on time.

Texting ensued throughout the weekend including my drunken stupidity where I mentioned sparkles on my boobage and he said I needed to prove it. Yeah, he provoked me in good fun. For some reason I got it in my head that my craptastic cellphone camera could capture the glitter on my boobs (from the dress) so I attempted photos. First in a bra to no avail, then a braless (but nips-covered) shot. No luck. At this point he told me no more pictures and went back to normal texting convo like I hadn’t just made an ass of myself. He was a gentleman. How awesome is that?

So yeah… that’s where we stand. We keep in touch pretty much daily either through text messages, IMing, or a random phone call here and there. I still can’t totally figure out what’s up with him and he’s hard to read, but I am immensely comfortable around him. I drift off into this deep calm when I’m around him and just become completely at ease. Everything is so simple and easy and just chill. I have fun doing the stupidest things and I look forward to seeing him. I haven’t been bothered by the hour driving nor have I been bothered by who’s turn it is when to drive to who. It doesn’t seem to matter. If I’m in his area I try to make it work and he’s going to come to me soon again. It all feels pretty fair and even, but there’s none of that score keeping I became all too familiar with when I was with Chet.

I don’t want to read too much into it so I’m not. I haven’t even pestered the hell out of my male friends about it either. I’ve kept it pretty breezy (except when Dean blew me off) and despite the rocky beginning, it feels like there’s potential and I kinda maybe like him.

There… I’m caught up on the boy.

bullet pointed chaos


I have so many entries started and nothing to tie them together. Every time I write, I feel like I’m forgetting something. So here is a bullet point (except with little hearts ♥ instead of bullets cuz they’re cute!) post to touch on every subject and hopefully I use it as a spring board to write more.

♥ A few weekends ago, I got to finally meet a very good friend of mine. He found me courtesy of my original D-land blog back in the day and 4 years later he have evolved into one of my closest friends on the planet. Well the stars aligned after all this time and I got to play tour guide of DC… and of my body. *zing!* It was pretty fucking stellar and a one time only deal. The best part? We’re still friends and there’s zero weirdness. SCORE!

♥ I got a match via eHarmony and thought holy shit, it steered me right for a change! We talked a lot leading up to the first date and all was well. I thought okay, dude is easy to talk to and enjoy his communication so far. We had a first date and I thought it went pretty well until the very end where awkwardness took over, but overall a success. Second date gets set up for this past weekend. I was already planning to be in his area so we set up plans… and then fucker disappeared on me and went MIA mid-drive to his house. To say I was salty over this would be like saying the sky is blue. Where am I now on this? Unknown.

♥ I need to learn how to sew. I can cross stitch and I can do a myriad of other things, but sew? Use a sewing machine? FALSE. I need to make some covers for my couch cushions because between 15 years of abuse, a husky with killer claws, and 2 cats… well its quickly shredding to bits and I don’t want to buy a new couch yet. Thus, I need to learn to sew and to make me some cushion covers. Volunteers welcome!

♥ The voice track dubbing on my TV is off on about half of my channels and is probably the worst on Bravo. You don’t even want to know just how deeply this disturbs me.

♥ After recent dating disasters, I’m thinking that getting laid should be my primary goal. Sex has always been something that has carried me through between relationships. And who has been that someone that is ALWAYS there to satisfy that itch? Stone. The minute we all accept that Stone has never truly left, the better it will be. So yeah, he’s back. No, I don’t have a single feeling towards him other than adoration, but that’s not a new feeling. No, I won’t be stupid about it. And yeah, I’ve been using real names in this blog all along, but for some reason it feels weird to call him anything other than Stone when I write about him so I think as a tribute type thing, I’m going to leave it that way.

♥ I’m taking a break from dating for a weeks. I can’t deal with the bullshit anymore especially after dude above went MIA on me. FAIL!

♥ Some where along the way, I caught myself a chest cold. It’s marvelous. I feel like hell and then get stoned on DayQuil to the point where I may not feel better, but God damn it, I won’t remember it! Seriously. There’s a good 2 hours worth of work today that I simply cannot recall. I’ve seriously underestimated DayQuil in the past. The bitch of this is that I’m already on antibiotics for my cooter (see previous vaginae entry) but they clearly aren’t doing a damn thing for my chest. Fan-fucking-tastic.

♥ I’m taking full advantage of being single and making the most out of my weekends. I’ve got a lot of traveling scheduled and I’m going to meet a lot of people. I turn 29 in June and I’ve decided to visit both of my wives. Steph is my Canadian wife and is the original. D is my American wife and is married to me on FB. I am driving down to see D mid-June and take a beach weekend with her as a birthday gift to myself. Then Steph and her man are coming to stay with me for a few days at the end of June and I’m so excited about this, I could burst into a million little fluttery pieces of me!

♥ I got awesome news at work and it seems as though I’m going to be secure for another year and a half at least. That means I may be entering my 5th year in this apartment come December. You know, unless I meet Mr. Wonderful between now and then and make other plans.

♥ I have a work related trip next weekend to Atlanta. Is there any one in Atlanta that wants to entertain me for a few hours here and there between my duties? Holla!

♥ I just coughed so hard I peed a little. Better than peeing a lot. God, I’m sexy!