I got a very lengthy comment in the last post from someone who thinks I may not truly be over Chet and that I may not have fully mourned our ending. I had honestly thought I was over him, but it seems like I measure every man against him and it seems I keep attracting losers. Then that comment hit a nerve (not a bad thing) and my brain went into steam roller mode.
Yes, I mourned my break up with Chet. THOROUGHLY. I did it twice, actually. Yes, it still hurts some days. Yes, I miss him some days. You can’t not miss someone who was a very integral part of your daily life for several years. You miss all those tiny little things and you see stuff that reminds you of them all the time. It’s the same as a death in a way. I’m over my grandma’s death, but I think of her constantly and miss her all the time. Little things remind me of her, but I am over it. Just because something ends doesn’t mean you can’t still love. Then again, I think I’d be fine if I didn’t keep meeting douchebags.
So why do I keep attracting losers? Because I always think I can fix them and make them better? No. I’ve learned you can’t fix anyone. It’s because my standards have been too low for far too long and that’s not just something you break over night. That’s a huge reason why I had my mom get involved with my dating life and become my yenta. Her standards are incredibly high and she wants more for me than even I think I want. What happens when I don’t listen to her? I get dipshits like Bryan who make me insane! Yeah, he’s one she advised against. Did I listen? Nope! Her gut impression of him: “he’s an endless need bucket” and sure as shit, he was. You would think I’d be listening to her 100% at this point, but I’m stubborn and I do kinda need to learn some things on my own. She warned me, I saw the red flags, I paid attention to them, and now I have a little bit more knowledge under my belt.
By the way, Bryan is gone. I finally stopped being a stubborn ass and just ended a conversation one day with a sigh and “oh well” and haven’t heard from him since. I’ve been deleted off everything and I don’t give two shits about it. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Then I met this guy Adam, whom at first I was kinda into. He basically looks like a shorter, fatter, slightly rounder faced version of Chet. I was enjoying talking to him until I found out his mother lives with him and he fully supports her. I had to ask why this was and when he told me I realized there was absolutely no way this would ever work out. I could understand if she’d been disabled in some way and needed assistance, but being financially irresponsible and having no back up plan? It dawned on me that these two were way too dependent on each other, he feels he HAS to take care of her, and there is absolutely no way I would ever fit in that life.
I have no issue with dating a man with kids. I love kids. I’m great with them. But a parent? Really? If that’s how they raised you, then how will you raise your kids? I realize shit happens and if something were to happen with my stepdad, I’d move in with my mom in a heartbeat to help her out. But my stepdad has life insurance, retirement accounts, they have a house they could sell… I mean they’ve covered their ass and looked out for us so that should something happen, I can set my mom up for a long time.
Not the case with Adam. He’s barely into his 30s and already has mama ingrained into every day life. What, is she going to come with us on every date? On the honeymoon? Will she be there when we’re trying to conceive??? I want my own life. I want a house where it’s just me, hubby, the pets, and eventually a few bambinos. I don’t want to instantly take on a parent. I mean the end result of that is she’ll be with him till the day she dies. At least with kids, they grow up and move out! They develop little lives of their own and branch out. If a parent can’t handle being alone and has to rely on her single 30 something son, then something else is fundamentally wrong there and frankly I don’t want to get involved.
Of course this is not what I said to him, but in talking to him I realized I am way too blunt, brutally honest, and independent for this guy anyway and if I dared speak about mama at any point, we’d come to blows. Never even made it to a date so at least there wasn’t a ton of emotional investment in it. He wants to be friends so I said okay. I have nothing against gaining a few friends in this dating saga. It’s not my goal and I suspect the majority of them will vanish anyway as soon as I find some one worth keeping, but whatever. I’m not arguing it just yet.
I do have one rather promising lead from one of the sites. I’m not entirely convinced it’s worth the high cost, but eHarmony is not failing me as greatly as it has in the past so we’ll see how this goes. I’m definitely not in a rush to find someone so it’s been an interesting adventure so far. One of these days I’ll find a good one.