complicated should be my middle name


Here’s the best way to summarize my life right now: I like to complicate it on a daily basis.

In addition to the daily headaches keeping my head a swirling mess, I’ve also got a few males in rotation now. Since mom is playing yenta, I get a fresh batch to pick through every day. Shes finally learning what I find attractive and what I don’t so between her criteria and mine… there’s about one man on the planet left for me I think. Maybe two.

I recently axed a guy I had been talking to for a few days because he updated his profile to show new pictures. I could look past the never smiling in any of the pictures, but a big skull with rams horns and a giant bleeding upside down pentagram? I think not. Then on the other arm there were these flaming demonic serpent things and some other anti-God thing. You know, I don’t expect everyone to be religious. I’m absolutely fine with those who do not subscribe to my cup of religious tea either. The thing is, I cannot have a life with someone like that. It’s too important to me and how can I possibly be with someone who doesn’t at least share a thread of common thinking? So yeah, he was axed. Gone. Poof!

I’ve become like every guy I’ve ever known in that that I just drop off the face of the earth if I lose interest. I did that with Matt. There was just nothing there to hold me in and I fucking HATE this text messaging thing. Pick up the motherfucking phone if you want to keep me! Ignore 3 text messages in 3 days and they disappear. I admit it’s shitty to do, but it totally works. I can’t be nice to every single guy I meet anymore either because I keep attracting these clingy little leeches. I just want to scream “GET OFF ME!” when they get that way. Fastest way to lose me? Turn into a leech. No me gusta!

Recently there was a Jew Boy who took interest in me. This is such a rare occurrence in itself that the mere that he was Jewish AND interested in me was enough to hold my attention. Until I saw more photos and realized that one photo on his dating profile? Yeah, not even close to reality. Seriously dude, why lie about appearance? Do you not think it’s going to be revealed when we meet up? REALLY? I hate to break it to you, but that’s deception and how the hell are you already being deceptive before we’ve even met? FAIL!

Okay so lets pretend I’m not as superficial as I sound. (Because frankly, who am I to judge? I’m not every man’s cup of tea either.) Let’s examine the REAL deal breaker with him. Last night I went out with my friend Rob (whom I hadn’t seen in 6.5 years) and not only did I have a blast with him, I also got completely hammered. Thank you, body of mine, for being able to sober up inhumanly fast because I had to get home at some point. Anyway, when driving home, Jew Boy and I talk to each other on the phone. It was as though I opened up Pandora’s Box with that one because dude would not shut the fuck up. My entire 45 minute ride home consisted of him babbling on and on about whatever he could think of. And then the pies de resistance? He tells me not only that his longest relationship lasted 9 months, but that he hasn’t been in one since 2001. Okay, so why is that? “I keep getting rejected for stupid things. And all the women I’ve been with end up being crazy bitches.” Ummm, yeah. About that? If it’s been 9 years of nothing successful maybe they are not the problem, buddy.

Of course I find this out (and see his facebook page) AFTER I’ve agreed to a date. Epic fail. Now I have to figure out how to bullshit my way out of this one and since yenta failed me, she gets to come up with an excuse. Funny thing? She googled “how to reject a date gently” and then proceeded to read me the cream of the crop in responses. At least she can make me laugh about it, right?

Oh but let’s complicate it further, shall we??? I’ve been out on two dates with this guy Bryan. He’s got some big red warning flags waving high, but most of his could just be temporary. Much like previous situations, I was not immediately attracted to him. It wasn’t till I’d spent time with him and had my brain stimulated that I was turned on.

Naturally because the same damn thing happened before with the lack of attraction initially and then intensity that knocked me on my ass, I immediately panicked and put the brakes on Bryan a bit. After the second date though, we were making out in the parking garage as we parted ways and now my feelings have been altered. My brain and clitoris are apparently connected. Who knew?

The thing is, he pisses me off royally with text messaging. He never quite figures out where the line is with me until it’s crossed, then I’m upset or angry over it. Solution? Stop texting! Because in person, I am so into him, it’s not even funny. Too bad yenta doesn’t approve of this one.

Despite Yenta’s lack of approval and warning to walk away now, I’ve got another date lined up with Bryan for Sunday. He’s really the only one holding my interest right now so maybe I should give him a chance? Maybe. Maybe not. I could be doing this out of sheer loneliness. We’ll see. Further movement with him is pending the red flag removals because some of them HAVE to change or there’s no fucking way we have a future. At all.

So yeah… it’s all complicated and I like to make it worse daily by adding more shit into the mix. Hi, I love to torture myself. And your name is?


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