my outlook


Every one on earth can bitch about how awful their life is. Every one has a sob story. Every person has had “the worst year ever!”

You know what else every one has? The ability to shut the fuck up, get through the emotion of the situation, and grow from it. Obviously some things take longer than others to recover from, but really it all comes down to how you handle it in your head. The better you handle it and the better grasp you have of reality, the faster life rebounds. Ever notice how negativity begets negative or annoying people around you? You attract it. Same with positivity and a smile plastered to your face.

I won’t lie – I’ve had some fucking shitty years and had more than my fair share of heartache, disappoinment, death, and pain. The best thing you can do it either move forward and force yourself to find some thing, some tiny shred of positivity, from the experience or to remember the good times. I won’t say I’m perfect at this, but the more I practice, the better I get. It’s not easy. Some times you have to fake it till you make it. I can honestly say that faking an orgasm is a fuck of a lot easier than faking happiness, but I can also say that faking the happiness helped me discover other methods of dealing with things. And maybe it’s not so much faking happiness as it was just not being a bitch and not being angry all the time. I think it was more of a gradual process of angry > silent > blank > calm > happy.

So it’s not a perfect method, but I was at the end of my rope and had to figure out an alternative method because there was no way the people around me would change. You can’t ever expect someone to change – you can only change yourself and how you react.

This all started with Chet because I learned really fucking fast that if I started pitching a fit that the man would dodge a fight by up and leaving. Just pick and haul ass right out the door in a matter of 30 seconds and then cut me off for days. No contact whatsoever. Hindsight being 20/20, I can see how utterly immature this is, but have chosen to see how extremely fast it forced me to change the way I approached him. It changed everything when he initially broke up with me around the holidays. THAT was fun. Eventually we got back together and it was one of the harder things in my life to do. Yes, something so simple was damn near impossible to deal with.

Things constantly happened with us. I found out after a while that I was dealing with an extremely damaged man who had absolutely no ability to express his emotions. (I’m not 100% sure he truly had all those emotions either to tell you the truth.) In finding that out, I had to change the way I reacted and interacted with him. That’s what love does – it forces you to accept someone for who they are and work with it.

The problem is, I also began to realize the love was one-sided. I foolishly figured it would evolve and he would one day figure out that oh hey, I have an amazing woman in front of me. Better reel her in. But then… he just gave up.

Anyway, the point is that I started to change my outlook on things with Chet and then decided if I could handle him, I could handle anything. I started applying it elsewhere and then even included it in my working routine. After 3.5 years my overbearing ogre of a boss was suddenly less of a monster to me. I could finally visualize the end of our working relationship and just calmed the fuck down. What was the point in arguing with him and being miserable every single day??? Same with Chet – what was the fucking point of arguing if I got absolutely NOWHERE? I sure as shit didn’t feel better when I yelled because nothing changed.

And some people will never be effected by how you change – only by themselves. Chet never changed, my boss never changed, my father never will change… but I did and now? Now I’m one happy human being. None of that shit even phases me half the time. Deadlines at work are less stressful and I don’t get nearly as angry with my coworkers as I ever did.

Because I dealt with stubborn, angry, overbearing assholes on a daily basis, I became a stronger, happier, more well-balanced human being. My outlook completely changed.


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